some ramblings..

No more living a double lifestyle. No matter how small it is, I don't care what it costs..I will follow Christ. I'm sick of buying into the world's lies. God is Truth. He is the truth that I cling to. I'm done with trying to be perfect. I'm done with comfortable and ignoring your Spirit. You know the desires of my heart, You put them there. So I need to trust Your timing.
God, rock my world. Teach me how to live radically, and look for Your truth in EVERY situation. Help me to get over myself, and see the world through Your eyes.
You are singing over me all the time, and when I tune my heart to listen, there is no other song that I want to hear. There is no end to Your love for me.
How beautiful You are, my God.

He is good.

I'm thankful for:

Family:
Dad-my hero, a strong man of God, with the kindest heart, and extremely lame jokes
Mom-my best friend, with a beautiful heart that tends to the poor and needy, and laughs at my father's lame jokes
Matt-the smartest person I have ever met, radiates humility, and has the best laugh.
Steve-the bravest person I've ever met, and always knows how to cheer me up

GCC-a place that pushes limitations, and is redefining church and our calling as Christians.
VOT-a family that prays, sings, and laughs together. SO much love.
Lambert 104-i have the best roommates who love me no matter what. I am SO blessed
Choir: we sing for the Glory of the Lord, and not ourselves. I have never met a group of people that radiates humility as much as the choir.
Impact: new friends striving to be more like Christ. Can't get much better
Job: I am blessed to understand how hard work goes without being appreciated. I learn new things every day.
Theater: a place that opens my eyes to hurt and pain, and gives me a place to escape for awhile.
Bethel:a place that equips me to learn how to be more like Christ, and love His people.
Friends: from the oldest, to the newest, I am truly thankful for everyone who calls me friend. I am blessed with people who push me, and challenge me and what I believe. A lot of who I am, I owe to the lessons that God has allowed my friends to teach me.

Moral of the story:
I am sooooo richly blessed. God is so good to me. I do not deserve His love, or blessings, but He pours them out on me. As I look back on all my blessings, I smile and remember that it all comes back to God sending His son into the world, to save people like you and me. I'm thankful for Grace. I'm thankful for freedom. I'm thankful for His unconditional love that draws us back to Him every time we stray.
I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving

a stroll at 6:50am

"Early in the morning, my song shall rise to Thee"

This beautiful verse has a new meaning in my life. Every morning when I walk to work at the DC, I pray. I pray for others, and I pray for myself. Selfish? Maybe, but I find that my day is filled with a bright spirit and joy. And on top of that, God blesses me with the beginnings of a sunrise. The colors that He paints the sky with reminds me of how each day is a new day. All my sins from yesterday have been forgiven, and I am free to start a new day with no guilt.

What a beautiful God we serve. Little reminders, like a sunset, can remind me of grace and freedom.
I love Him.

an assortment of thoughts.

Trusting in God means trusting in His timing. That statement has never held to be more true. God's timing is perfect. Mine is not. Learning how to deal with that will take a life time. I may want something, and feel that it is ABSOLUTELY necessary at the time, but it's not. I'm learning how to accept that. Coming to terms that "my" life is not my own. It's His. I made that choice 12 years ago, and I am now coming to terms with that understanding. I want my life to reflect the Christ and His love. So whatever comes to be will be for Him. I'm sick of throwing the term trust around, when I don't really mean it. I am so scared for what the future holds, but the peace that passes all understanding battles to take the place of fear in my heart.
HE is good. He knows what is good for me. I'm learning.

After such a long time, I am finally starting to feel free. The bondage that old relationships and friends held over me is slowly being lifted. I can feel God moving in my life, and renewing my spirit every day. AND I get to encourage others who are going through the same thing that I went through, and am going through. It's just been one of those weeks when I can "taste and see" how good my God is to me.
Also, I love unexplainable joy. I love smiling at people, and they are so taken off guard by your happiness. Man, I love that.

My heart is being broken by the most loving, relentless, and beautiful God. To doubt Him would be a mistake. God is good. He provides, He understands, and He is present.
LOOK for Him.

Fill us with the light of day

I danced at GCC this weekend. I got the unbelievable priveledge to choreograph the number "Joyful Joyful" and have 2 other number to choreograph and sing in. I feel so blessed. Everything about Granger is so focused on bringing God glory through excellence. And I feel so blessed to be a part of it.
God spoke to me. He had been slowly drawing me in since first service on Saturday night, and finally, last service on Sunday, I broke down. Right after, I got up, danced, and literally felt God right next to me on stage. He spoke directly to me, and made me remember that He put dreams in my heart, and talent in my body. I finally feel the peace that I have been searching for all summer. AND God's timing is sooo perfect, because tomorrow begins Spiritual Emphasis Week at Bethel, so I can go deeper from here with the help and support that will hold me accountable. God is soooo good.
So proud of my GLEE kids/adults at GCC, and so grateful to be a part of God's ministry there.

goldilocks jean visker

Well, tonight was rough. I came home to my dog wheezing on the floor with my mom. I immediately started sobbing, because Goldi has been with me too long. It's strange how animals can become one of the family. I knew that Goldi was getting old, but I didn't think it would come this soon. It was so strange coming back in the house and not having her here. My mom and I sobbed the whole way home. At least she's not in pain anymore, that's the only thing getting me through.

I love you Goldi, and you were so much more than just a dog. You were my sister, and my best friend. I could never have asked for a better dog. Thank you.

sibling love

So my brother has been home for the past week.

We took Goldi for a swim and spent some quality time together.
It rocked out loud.
I'm going to miss him beating me up, especially at Christmas, but I'm excited that he gets to do what he loves and fight for our country. Glad to say a final goodbye before deployment this weekend.
Here are some photos from swimming