simple realizations

Don't you love when you get hit in the face with what God has been trying to tell you? Yeah, that just happened recently. You see, I love performing. It's a huge part of my heart, and it is how I connect with God. But once upon a time, I fell into the trap that I deserved to be performing, and that my gift was mine to give. It wasn't. It never was. And because of that thought process, I went through a serious of events that I call "my humility trial." Because I went through this, I can't think the same way I used to. I don't ever want to be that person again. I'm so thankful God guided me through that process, even though it was terribly hard, and I questioned a lot of what my talent consisted of. But as thankful as I am, God is really opening my eyes to the fear that I have of becoming that person. The fact of the matter is, I don't trust God enough in a sense, to keep me away from my prideful, arrogant self. As a result, I haven't been dreaming God's dreams. Letting Him guide my heart, and following. I believe that my dreams were God's first. I dream of performing. Dream of the moment on stage, with the spotlight on, singing my heart out to thousands of people. I don't care what area it's in: dance, theatre, or music. But I know that these specific things make my heart glad. I feel a sense of purpose, and I see areas that I can impact for God. So, now I find myself in a place where I feel like I'm starting over. Letting God lead, and take control. Trusting that He will provide, and that whatever lies ahead is His will. And that is where I want to dwell, in His will. And the best part is, I know I will love it. Such as simple realization that means more to me than ever before. God is so big, and He really will use the talents, that were never mine, to impact this world for His Glory. How cool is that? God is so good.

Over-thinking

I've been talking to some friends lately about God's calling. Sometimes it seems when we pray or fast about what God's will is for our lives, He is silent. In fact, it seems that most of the time when I ask God for guidance, He is silent. But I've been realizing as important decisions come my way, that God is not going to tell you every single detail of your life. A lot of the life He's given is your choice. Open doors that you can choose to close, or walk through. As long as you love people, and keep your heart for the kingdom, God will walk with you. And can I say that it doesn't need to be so serious? We are to be filled with joy! We have the promise of life, and a love that never keeps a record of wrongs. Be joyful on the path that God is leading you on!
Just some things I've been learning.
God is faithful, and so good!

Obese Christians

I've had a huge burden on my heart for how gluttonous we Americans are with our Christianity. To be specific, our Christian merchandise, multi-billion dollar churches. We have become so selfish. I was listening the WFRN the other day, and they had an ad about a Christian cruise line that has been started up. You can go on the cruise and hang out with Christian artists and speakers. SERIOUSLY?!? Why do we need our own cruise line?? Just go on a regular one! On top of that, give that money to missions!!! I understand that we need fellowship with others, and the growth and encouragement of the body is vital...but do that at a homeless shelter! Nothing can bring us together more than doing God's work!
I'm reading a book by K.P. Yohannan who is a missionary/founder of Gospel for Asia. If you ever have a chance to read his stuff, do it. He is up in your face about how gluttonous we are as Americans. God laid India on my heart several years ago, but I never had the courage to pursue it until He opened up the door to go through GCC. Ever since I've been reading the book, my heart is so burdened for America. We have SO much and we give so little. Especially the majority of Christians! Why do you need an iphone? Why can't you save that extra money and sponsor a child? Or give to your favorite missions organization? This kind of spending is not what God intended for us when He blessed us with so much. We are blessed to bless others. Doesn't matter what that blessing looks like. I just want Christians to take a look at their lives, and all they have. A multi-million dollar church that is put up could support a missionary in Asia for 5 years!
Of course, when I write all this, I am speaking directly to myself too. I am not rich by any means here, but compared to anywhere else, especially India, I am so wealthy. I just challenge all of us to look beyond ourselves, and remember that it is so much bigger than just us. Millions of people have not even heard of the name Jesus, let alone His grace. I'm rambling now, but I think a point was made.
Bless others.
We've been given too much not to give back.

some ramblings..

No more living a double lifestyle. No matter how small it is, I don't care what it costs..I will follow Christ. I'm sick of buying into the world's lies. God is Truth. He is the truth that I cling to. I'm done with trying to be perfect. I'm done with comfortable and ignoring your Spirit. You know the desires of my heart, You put them there. So I need to trust Your timing.
God, rock my world. Teach me how to live radically, and look for Your truth in EVERY situation. Help me to get over myself, and see the world through Your eyes.
You are singing over me all the time, and when I tune my heart to listen, there is no other song that I want to hear. There is no end to Your love for me.
How beautiful You are, my God.

He is good.

I'm thankful for:

Family:
Dad-my hero, a strong man of God, with the kindest heart, and extremely lame jokes
Mom-my best friend, with a beautiful heart that tends to the poor and needy, and laughs at my father's lame jokes
Matt-the smartest person I have ever met, radiates humility, and has the best laugh.
Steve-the bravest person I've ever met, and always knows how to cheer me up

GCC-a place that pushes limitations, and is redefining church and our calling as Christians.
VOT-a family that prays, sings, and laughs together. SO much love.
Lambert 104-i have the best roommates who love me no matter what. I am SO blessed
Choir: we sing for the Glory of the Lord, and not ourselves. I have never met a group of people that radiates humility as much as the choir.
Impact: new friends striving to be more like Christ. Can't get much better
Job: I am blessed to understand how hard work goes without being appreciated. I learn new things every day.
Theater: a place that opens my eyes to hurt and pain, and gives me a place to escape for awhile.
Bethel:a place that equips me to learn how to be more like Christ, and love His people.
Friends: from the oldest, to the newest, I am truly thankful for everyone who calls me friend. I am blessed with people who push me, and challenge me and what I believe. A lot of who I am, I owe to the lessons that God has allowed my friends to teach me.

Moral of the story:
I am sooooo richly blessed. God is so good to me. I do not deserve His love, or blessings, but He pours them out on me. As I look back on all my blessings, I smile and remember that it all comes back to God sending His son into the world, to save people like you and me. I'm thankful for Grace. I'm thankful for freedom. I'm thankful for His unconditional love that draws us back to Him every time we stray.
I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving

a stroll at 6:50am

"Early in the morning, my song shall rise to Thee"

This beautiful verse has a new meaning in my life. Every morning when I walk to work at the DC, I pray. I pray for others, and I pray for myself. Selfish? Maybe, but I find that my day is filled with a bright spirit and joy. And on top of that, God blesses me with the beginnings of a sunrise. The colors that He paints the sky with reminds me of how each day is a new day. All my sins from yesterday have been forgiven, and I am free to start a new day with no guilt.

What a beautiful God we serve. Little reminders, like a sunset, can remind me of grace and freedom.
I love Him.

an assortment of thoughts.

Trusting in God means trusting in His timing. That statement has never held to be more true. God's timing is perfect. Mine is not. Learning how to deal with that will take a life time. I may want something, and feel that it is ABSOLUTELY necessary at the time, but it's not. I'm learning how to accept that. Coming to terms that "my" life is not my own. It's His. I made that choice 12 years ago, and I am now coming to terms with that understanding. I want my life to reflect the Christ and His love. So whatever comes to be will be for Him. I'm sick of throwing the term trust around, when I don't really mean it. I am so scared for what the future holds, but the peace that passes all understanding battles to take the place of fear in my heart.
HE is good. He knows what is good for me. I'm learning.

After such a long time, I am finally starting to feel free. The bondage that old relationships and friends held over me is slowly being lifted. I can feel God moving in my life, and renewing my spirit every day. AND I get to encourage others who are going through the same thing that I went through, and am going through. It's just been one of those weeks when I can "taste and see" how good my God is to me.
Also, I love unexplainable joy. I love smiling at people, and they are so taken off guard by your happiness. Man, I love that.

My heart is being broken by the most loving, relentless, and beautiful God. To doubt Him would be a mistake. God is good. He provides, He understands, and He is present.
LOOK for Him.

Fill us with the light of day

I danced at GCC this weekend. I got the unbelievable priveledge to choreograph the number "Joyful Joyful" and have 2 other number to choreograph and sing in. I feel so blessed. Everything about Granger is so focused on bringing God glory through excellence. And I feel so blessed to be a part of it.
God spoke to me. He had been slowly drawing me in since first service on Saturday night, and finally, last service on Sunday, I broke down. Right after, I got up, danced, and literally felt God right next to me on stage. He spoke directly to me, and made me remember that He put dreams in my heart, and talent in my body. I finally feel the peace that I have been searching for all summer. AND God's timing is sooo perfect, because tomorrow begins Spiritual Emphasis Week at Bethel, so I can go deeper from here with the help and support that will hold me accountable. God is soooo good.
So proud of my GLEE kids/adults at GCC, and so grateful to be a part of God's ministry there.

goldilocks jean visker

Well, tonight was rough. I came home to my dog wheezing on the floor with my mom. I immediately started sobbing, because Goldi has been with me too long. It's strange how animals can become one of the family. I knew that Goldi was getting old, but I didn't think it would come this soon. It was so strange coming back in the house and not having her here. My mom and I sobbed the whole way home. At least she's not in pain anymore, that's the only thing getting me through.

I love you Goldi, and you were so much more than just a dog. You were my sister, and my best friend. I could never have asked for a better dog. Thank you.

sibling love

So my brother has been home for the past week.

We took Goldi for a swim and spent some quality time together.
It rocked out loud.
I'm going to miss him beating me up, especially at Christmas, but I'm excited that he gets to do what he loves and fight for our country. Glad to say a final goodbye before deployment this weekend.
Here are some photos from swimming

sunday-sunday

I love sundays. church in the morning, homecooked food, homework, naps, and football :)
I love every other day in the week. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am. I am at an awesome school, with beautiful people, and working on God's will for my life. I love my life, because HE is in control. Nothing I can do can mess up His plan for me. He has made it attainable as well. I feel like people sometimes forget that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, and that includes dreams. I've been realizing that, and just loving Him for it.

I love God. I love my life. I love God being in control, and me trusting Him all the way.

TRUST

I'm a dreamer

When I was little I wanted to be Britney Spears. I wanted to be on stage, and dance and sing, but people always told me that wasn't reality. But I always dreamed of the day I would be on stage, with everyone applauding my every move. I can't say my dream has changed much. Granted, I don't want to be Britney Spears, but I do want to be on stage. It's where I feel at home. My motive has changed for God's Glory. The funny thing is, that He believes in my dream, and He has made a path for me. I don't know where it goes, but I know that He has a plan. I'm sick of people dragging me back to down to reality. I don't know how I'm going to support myself, but I know that it will happen. I trust God. I don't understand why that isn't enough for people. Everyone tells me that I should have a back up plan, but isn't that just smacking God in the face? To me that's telling God that you don't trust His plan. And He knows better than any of us, so who are we to tell Him what we're doing with our life? I am willing to go down any path for His Glory. He's telling me that my dreams will bring Him glory. That is why I'm on stage. No other reason.
It gets hard when the people that mean the most to you drag you down, and tell you that your dream is impossible, and that they don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to live in this safe box. I want to break out of it, i'm sick of Christians not GOING. Jesus commanded us to GO! And that means moving. Not just sitting in church. I don't know what is going to happen with my dreams, but I know that God is in the midst of them. No one can bring me down. I will do His will, and keep living for the kingdom.

We must go
live to feed the hungry
stand beside the broken
we must go
stepping forward
keep us from just singing
move us into action
we must go.

fill us up, and send us out.

God bless.

Come Away With Me

Just got this sweet release from the Holy Spirit, and I'm starting to write songs. Don't have any music or have a clue how it goes, but the lyrics are there. Most of the lyrics are out of Song of Songs. God bless!


Come, take my hand, lets run away from it all
Take me to a place where we can be together

My beautiful God, you are mine!
Your left arm under my head, and your right embraces me
Arise my darling, and come away with me

How handsome you are my lover
Your banner over me is love
you have stolen my heart

My lover is radiant. I a crowd of 10,000, you are all i see
when i sleep i am awake, i'm so in love with you!

i'm falling harder and harder for you beautiful lover
i belong to you, and you are mine!
place me like a seal on your heart
for our love is strong and everlasting

come away with me
come away with me

Paul's Hardships

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

"We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything."

Endurance.

ICTHUS

A group of friends from The Crossing in Goshen went to a christian music festival down in Kentucky. We joined a ministry from IWU called LOVESTORM, and we all volunteered to be alter ministers. Talk about an amazing experience. The music was loud, and the speakers were amazing, and God was definatly there. However, I really struggled with feeling second best to my fellow brothers and sisters. As a result of that, the last night, the speaker gave an alter call and 1,000 kids came to know Christ. Where was I? Sitting at my campsite. I came later on, and got to help send out some kids, but they had already accepted Christ. Satan definatly won that battle, and I felt defeated and worthless. I knew I went on this trip to get over the fear of ministering. That may seem like a foolish fear, but I really struggle with putting myself out there in the first place. So being an alter minister was a big stretch for me. So I went on feeling aweful throughout the night. That night we went to a band called "Sleeping Giant"(p.s. seriously amazing), and I just broke down, and Krista(awesome sister in Christ) was there. We went away, and once i composed myself, I told her about everything. How terrible I was feeling, and everything on top of that. So we prayed. She spoke on behalf of God, and He told me that He was delighted with me. That was so comforting..but He wanted me to take it a step further. I have been struggling my whole life with fear, of everything, and anything. So, I declared, then and there, "I will not be afriad anymore!" There's much more to the story, but God is now with me, and I have no reason to be afraid. My chains are gone. It's a beautiful thing. I guess the point of all this is to tell everyone that God can do anything. No task is too big or too small. And no matter what you're going through, He delights in you, and wants you to talk to Him about. He is so good. Now, I'm not saying the fear is completley gone. I still struggle with fear, but I can quote scripture and tell Satan to get away from me. I take comfort in knowing that God is with me. Victory in Jesus.

Count it all Joy

I know you've had some troubles in this life. I know sometimes the road gets so long. But I know our God is walking right with you, yes he is. And he'll give you all the strength. Oh yes, He'll give you all the strength. He'll give you all the strength you need, to carry on. So count it all joy, when you're faced with sorrow. Count it all joy, when you're faced with pain. Count it all joy, and a stronger faith will remain. Count it all joy, for this present suffering, can't be compared with the joy to come. Count it, count it all joy. Let us look to Jesus, the author of our faith. Who for the sake of the joy set before Him endured the cross. So let us not grow weary, in the face of discipline. Our father is training us how to win. We know that all things work together, for the good of those who love God. Nothing can ever separate us, from God's mighty love in Jesus. Neither life, nor death, nor angels, things present, or things to come. -"Count It All Joy" Choir Tour 09

Reflecting back on that week, I learned that God can use you, even if you don't want to be used. So many days, I just felt like crashing after long days on the bus, but we had to do concerts. Every church was such a blessing, and it was great to see what a blessing we were to them. Voices of Triumph sang for an old lady who was very sick. We sang, "Every time I feel the Spirit," and she was so touched. By the end of the song, everyone was crying. She said, "When God gives you the gift, USE it." Then VOT starting crying, because to hear her say that was such a blessing. Her spirit was so strong, despite her weakness. God was at work in her. Later that night, her husband came to the concert. The choir sang, "It is Well with my Soul," and everyone who knew could tell that he was telling God that it was well with his soul. That blew my mind, and it was such an inspiration to live everyday, and use the gifts that God has given me. Choir Tour was such a blessing, and the people have a wonderful, and irreplaceable spot in my heart.

"Right with God"

I've been learning a lot about who God is this past year. It is funny how God broke up the past two semesters. First semester a friend was going through a terrible time, so I was there coaching her through and hoping that she would come back to God. Eventually, with a lot of time, she did. Then second semester hit, and I felt more alone than ever. I was so sick of listening to people's problems. I was selfish enough to think that they should care about me a lot more than their needs/school work/spiritual life. It didn't help that I was trying to juggle school work, 2 shows, dance groups, getting ready for a recital, VOT, and choir. Not a good idea. I kinda just left God in the dust, and told myself that I could handle everything. It worked for awhile, but then everything just fell apart. I was believing all the lies that Satan was telling me, but throughout all of it, I knew God was calling me back to Him. When the world finally did crash around me, I did a lot of thinking. Was my relationship ever right with God? And what does being "right with God" even mean? That is pretty hard to accomplish. He started showing me that contentment wasn't good enough. In my opinion, being "right with God" doesn't exist. We should always be striving for the next level of our relationship with Him. There is so much about Him that most people don't see, and I know that I'm going to be discovering that more and more as I get closer to Him. It just blows my mind how He lets us walk away, and stay away, but there is always a voice calling us back to him. We serve a Mighty God, who loves us with a love that is so beautiful it is hard to comprehend. I'm so thankful for grace and people around me that push me towards Him.

GUIDANCE

G U I D A N C E
Author Unknown

When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow withthe music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.When one person realizes and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudgeto the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body,moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE. When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i.""God, "u" and "i" "dance." God, you,and I dance! This statement is what guidance means to me.As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be uponyou and your family on this day and everyday. May you abide in Him as He abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting Him to lead and to guide you through eachseason of your life. I hope you dance!!!