simple realizations

Don't you love when you get hit in the face with what God has been trying to tell you? Yeah, that just happened recently. You see, I love performing. It's a huge part of my heart, and it is how I connect with God. But once upon a time, I fell into the trap that I deserved to be performing, and that my gift was mine to give. It wasn't. It never was. And because of that thought process, I went through a serious of events that I call "my humility trial." Because I went through this, I can't think the same way I used to. I don't ever want to be that person again. I'm so thankful God guided me through that process, even though it was terribly hard, and I questioned a lot of what my talent consisted of. But as thankful as I am, God is really opening my eyes to the fear that I have of becoming that person. The fact of the matter is, I don't trust God enough in a sense, to keep me away from my prideful, arrogant self. As a result, I haven't been dreaming God's dreams. Letting Him guide my heart, and following. I believe that my dreams were God's first. I dream of performing. Dream of the moment on stage, with the spotlight on, singing my heart out to thousands of people. I don't care what area it's in: dance, theatre, or music. But I know that these specific things make my heart glad. I feel a sense of purpose, and I see areas that I can impact for God. So, now I find myself in a place where I feel like I'm starting over. Letting God lead, and take control. Trusting that He will provide, and that whatever lies ahead is His will. And that is where I want to dwell, in His will. And the best part is, I know I will love it. Such as simple realization that means more to me than ever before. God is so big, and He really will use the talents, that were never mine, to impact this world for His Glory. How cool is that? God is so good.

Over-thinking

I've been talking to some friends lately about God's calling. Sometimes it seems when we pray or fast about what God's will is for our lives, He is silent. In fact, it seems that most of the time when I ask God for guidance, He is silent. But I've been realizing as important decisions come my way, that God is not going to tell you every single detail of your life. A lot of the life He's given is your choice. Open doors that you can choose to close, or walk through. As long as you love people, and keep your heart for the kingdom, God will walk with you. And can I say that it doesn't need to be so serious? We are to be filled with joy! We have the promise of life, and a love that never keeps a record of wrongs. Be joyful on the path that God is leading you on!
Just some things I've been learning.
God is faithful, and so good!

Obese Christians

I've had a huge burden on my heart for how gluttonous we Americans are with our Christianity. To be specific, our Christian merchandise, multi-billion dollar churches. We have become so selfish. I was listening the WFRN the other day, and they had an ad about a Christian cruise line that has been started up. You can go on the cruise and hang out with Christian artists and speakers. SERIOUSLY?!? Why do we need our own cruise line?? Just go on a regular one! On top of that, give that money to missions!!! I understand that we need fellowship with others, and the growth and encouragement of the body is vital...but do that at a homeless shelter! Nothing can bring us together more than doing God's work!
I'm reading a book by K.P. Yohannan who is a missionary/founder of Gospel for Asia. If you ever have a chance to read his stuff, do it. He is up in your face about how gluttonous we are as Americans. God laid India on my heart several years ago, but I never had the courage to pursue it until He opened up the door to go through GCC. Ever since I've been reading the book, my heart is so burdened for America. We have SO much and we give so little. Especially the majority of Christians! Why do you need an iphone? Why can't you save that extra money and sponsor a child? Or give to your favorite missions organization? This kind of spending is not what God intended for us when He blessed us with so much. We are blessed to bless others. Doesn't matter what that blessing looks like. I just want Christians to take a look at their lives, and all they have. A multi-million dollar church that is put up could support a missionary in Asia for 5 years!
Of course, when I write all this, I am speaking directly to myself too. I am not rich by any means here, but compared to anywhere else, especially India, I am so wealthy. I just challenge all of us to look beyond ourselves, and remember that it is so much bigger than just us. Millions of people have not even heard of the name Jesus, let alone His grace. I'm rambling now, but I think a point was made.
Bless others.
We've been given too much not to give back.

some ramblings..

No more living a double lifestyle. No matter how small it is, I don't care what it costs..I will follow Christ. I'm sick of buying into the world's lies. God is Truth. He is the truth that I cling to. I'm done with trying to be perfect. I'm done with comfortable and ignoring your Spirit. You know the desires of my heart, You put them there. So I need to trust Your timing.
God, rock my world. Teach me how to live radically, and look for Your truth in EVERY situation. Help me to get over myself, and see the world through Your eyes.
You are singing over me all the time, and when I tune my heart to listen, there is no other song that I want to hear. There is no end to Your love for me.
How beautiful You are, my God.

He is good.

I'm thankful for:

Family:
Dad-my hero, a strong man of God, with the kindest heart, and extremely lame jokes
Mom-my best friend, with a beautiful heart that tends to the poor and needy, and laughs at my father's lame jokes
Matt-the smartest person I have ever met, radiates humility, and has the best laugh.
Steve-the bravest person I've ever met, and always knows how to cheer me up

GCC-a place that pushes limitations, and is redefining church and our calling as Christians.
VOT-a family that prays, sings, and laughs together. SO much love.
Lambert 104-i have the best roommates who love me no matter what. I am SO blessed
Choir: we sing for the Glory of the Lord, and not ourselves. I have never met a group of people that radiates humility as much as the choir.
Impact: new friends striving to be more like Christ. Can't get much better
Job: I am blessed to understand how hard work goes without being appreciated. I learn new things every day.
Theater: a place that opens my eyes to hurt and pain, and gives me a place to escape for awhile.
Bethel:a place that equips me to learn how to be more like Christ, and love His people.
Friends: from the oldest, to the newest, I am truly thankful for everyone who calls me friend. I am blessed with people who push me, and challenge me and what I believe. A lot of who I am, I owe to the lessons that God has allowed my friends to teach me.

Moral of the story:
I am sooooo richly blessed. God is so good to me. I do not deserve His love, or blessings, but He pours them out on me. As I look back on all my blessings, I smile and remember that it all comes back to God sending His son into the world, to save people like you and me. I'm thankful for Grace. I'm thankful for freedom. I'm thankful for His unconditional love that draws us back to Him every time we stray.
I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving

a stroll at 6:50am

"Early in the morning, my song shall rise to Thee"

This beautiful verse has a new meaning in my life. Every morning when I walk to work at the DC, I pray. I pray for others, and I pray for myself. Selfish? Maybe, but I find that my day is filled with a bright spirit and joy. And on top of that, God blesses me with the beginnings of a sunrise. The colors that He paints the sky with reminds me of how each day is a new day. All my sins from yesterday have been forgiven, and I am free to start a new day with no guilt.

What a beautiful God we serve. Little reminders, like a sunset, can remind me of grace and freedom.
I love Him.

an assortment of thoughts.

Trusting in God means trusting in His timing. That statement has never held to be more true. God's timing is perfect. Mine is not. Learning how to deal with that will take a life time. I may want something, and feel that it is ABSOLUTELY necessary at the time, but it's not. I'm learning how to accept that. Coming to terms that "my" life is not my own. It's His. I made that choice 12 years ago, and I am now coming to terms with that understanding. I want my life to reflect the Christ and His love. So whatever comes to be will be for Him. I'm sick of throwing the term trust around, when I don't really mean it. I am so scared for what the future holds, but the peace that passes all understanding battles to take the place of fear in my heart.
HE is good. He knows what is good for me. I'm learning.